Read the label...

    For those of you who have had to stay in a hospital for any length of time know your tour duty is not easy.  If you have a friend staying in one of these hotels be sure to visit them, stay as long as possible, bringing outside amenities such as magazines, food, a back scratcher and your love will mean the world to their broken body and will undoubtedly lift their spirits.

    To all the nurses out there, I tip my hat to you. Your job is one of the most unselfish acts a human can do, thanks.  I do however have one request, but I am going to tell of an experience before asking.

    I waited four days without food or drink before the swelling was manageable and my surgery was done.  My mouth was as dry as a spoonful of cinnamon.  During that four days I was given a lollipop sponge that i could dip into a cup of water, it yielded just enough water to wet the lips and palette for a brief moment of relief.  After my surgery I was finally able to have my normal diet and all the fluids I could drink, although, food was now tasting weird and not appetizing.  

    It was around this time that I had to brush my teeth, which brings me back to said request I was asking earlier.  I remember my friends Jester and Chris were chilling out watching TV and keeping me company.  I buzzed the nurse and I asked for the tools necessary for a clean, minty fresh mouth.  I was thrilled when she entered the room, toothbrush and toothpaste in hand.  Applying the minty, or so I thought, gel onto the toothbrush I began brushing.  Blah, the toothpaste was weird, greasy and had no flavor, I just kept brushing thinking to myself "hospital toothpaste is horrible".  Continuing on, it got worse and started to "bead" in my mouth.  I didn't even get close to the standard rule of two minutes before I had to spit and rinse my mouth of this nasty paste.  As I rinsed, bb's kept forming in my mouth and were expelled.  As this was happening, I grabbed the tube of toothpaste and read, in bold blue script- Petroleum Jelly.  WTF?!?!?! Of course Chris, Jester and I burst into laughter, my ribs were cracking as it was impossible not to laugh.  Immediately I buzzed the nurse again, I tried to be serious as I told her of my misfortune, and now even she was trying to resist laughing at me. "I'm so sorry." she said and began to explain how the petroleum jelly and toothpaste were in the same drawer. "Yeah," I said "but you can read, right?"  Now, I will be known for the next couple days as The Guy Who Brushed His Teeth With Petroleum Jelly, amongst the ward staff.

So, my request is a simple one, please use different drawers for these two products. Thanks :)

    It's moments like these, embarrassing as it may be, one cannot help but to laugh at themselves and relish in the laughter of their friends.

Earth Hurts...